Y'all I am about to show my tits for some dicks. Meet me down in Corpus Christi Texas for a Spring Break y'all won't forget. I'll be at Wet Willie's Bar and Grill til about 5pm.

So my trainer Philip said that I should try Yoga because it's good for my soul. Hey Philip, how bout pouring me a stiff one after you pull your head out of your ass kinda like I just did.

Y'all, for serious, did somebody roofie me because it feels like there's a shit-ton of ribbon coming out of my ass and I'm pretty sure my head is turning into a mushroom.

Hey Girl, would you mind turning the light out..? And while you're at it take the jackass below me with you. I hate how he sleeps with his eyes open.

Jesus Christ. Somebody put a fuckin' stamp on this box and ship me the hell out of here. This haircut is embarrassing. Now I know what Don Rickles' boner feels like.

This bitch right here thinks she owns me. Girrrrl please.

Y'all! Hit me up later on Chatroulette. I just had some Pinot Grigio and I am down to party. Holla.